Let me make sure I’m reading this correctly. A man — Cole Tomas Allen — attempted to assassinate the sitting President of the United States at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. He’s in jail. And a federal judge just apologized to him. For the lighting.
I’m sorry, did we accidentally wander into a Yelp review for a boutique hotel? “Two stars — the strip searches were excessive and my room was too bright for my liking.” That’s not a jail complaint, that’s what you write about a Holiday Inn Express in Tulsa.
U.S. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui — and remember that name, because you’re going to want to — looked at a man charged with trying to murder the President and decided the real injustice here was that his accommodations weren’t up to snuff. The judge claimed Allen received “disparate, punitive treatment” and suggested that convicted murderers at the same facility had better conditions.
Let that marinate for a second.
Convicted murderers — people who actually completed the job this guy failed at — are supposedly living large compared to the assassination attempt guy. And the judge’s response isn’t “well maybe we should tighten things up for the murderers too.” It’s “let’s make sure the wannabe presidential assassin gets the premium package.”
We live in a country where grandmothers who walked through the Capitol building on January 6th were thrown into solitary confinement for months. Where guys who stood outside the building got longer sentences than some carjackers in DC. Where the FBI kicked down doors at 5 AM for misdemeanor trespassing. Nobody apologized to THEM for the lighting.
But try to kill the President? Oh, you poor dear. Is your pillow too flat? Would you like a reading lamp? Perhaps a white noise machine? The Judge literally told Allen on Monday, “Whatever you’ve been through, I apologize for the prior week.”
Here’s what’s actually happening, and we all know it. The justice system in this country has a two-tier structure that isn’t even trying to hide anymore. If you’re on the right side politically, every technicality gets thrown at you, every procedural hammer comes down, and your constitutional rights become suggestions. If you’re on the other side — even if “the other side” means you literally tried to end the life of the Commander in Chief — suddenly the system discovers compassion.
Judge Faruqui was appointed during the Biden administration, because of course he was. And look, I’m not saying every judge appointed by a Democrat is going to side with presidential assassins. But I AM saying that this particular judge looked at this particular situation and decided the assassin was the victim.
The constant lighting complaint is especially rich. You know who else deals with constant lighting? The Secret Service agents who have to stay awake 24/7 making sure the NEXT guy doesn’t finish what this one started. The President himself, who now has to process the reality that someone tried to kill him at a dinner. But sure, let’s focus on Cole’s circadian rhythm.
And the strip searches — my heart bleeds. The man attempted a political assassination. He’s not in jail for shoplifting a Snickers bar. When you try to kill the leader of the free world, maybe — just MAYBE — they check you thoroughly. That’s not “disparate treatment.” That’s common sense. That’s the absolute bare minimum security protocol for someone who has demonstrated a willingness to commit the most serious violent crime in American politics.
But this is where we are now. The same system that wanted to throw the book at parents who complained at school board meetings is extending a gentle hand to a man who tried to end a presidency with violence. The same system that called concerned citizens “domestic terrorists” is worried about an actual would-be assassin’s comfort level.
You want to know why trust in institutions is at an all-time low? It’s not complicated. It’s not some mystery that requires a blue-ribbon commission to solve. It’s THIS. It’s a judge apologizing to an assassination suspect while the man he tried to kill is still signing executive orders.
The message couldn’t be clearer if they wrote it in skywriting: attack the right people, and the system will take care of you. Attack the wrong people, and they’ll bury you under the jail.
Judge Faruqui owes an apology alright — but not to Cole Tomas Allen. He owes one to every American who still believes the justice system is supposed to protect us from people who try to murder presidents, not protect presidential assassins from slightly uncomfortable jail conditions.
But he won’t give that apology. Because in his world, the bright lights in a cell are the real tragedy — not the assassination attempt that put someone there