Joe Biden, the former president who spent four years insisting he was sharper than a tack and twice as pointy, is about to release a memoir built on 70 hours of recorded conversations — and the Department of Justice wants those tapes made public. Because apparently the guy who couldn't find the exit at a press conference sat down with a ghostwriter and just... started talking. About everything. Including classified material.
What could possibly go wrong?
According to The Spectator, Biden's memoir deal with publisher Little, Brown is worth a cool $10 million. That's ten million dollars for the recollections of a man whose own Special Counsel, Robert Hur, determined was too mentally diminished to prosecute. Let that sink in. They couldn't charge him because a jury would feel sorry for him, but sure, let's give him a book deal.
The recordings were made with ghostwriter Mark Zwonitzer, and they are reportedly a goldmine of exactly the kind of material Biden's handlers spent years trying to hide from the American public. At one point during the sessions, Biden allegedly stated, "I just found all the classified stuff downstairs." Just like that. Casual as a Sunday morning. The man who stood before the nation and declared, "I did not share classified information. Guarantee you, I did not," apparently forgot that part when the tape was rolling.
The Heritage Foundation has been leading the fight to get those 70 hours of recordings released to the public. Mike Howell of the Heritage Foundation put it plainly: "These tapes will further prove the massive lie regarding Biden's fitness for office and the fact Biden revealed classified information." And he's right. We all watched it happen in real time — the blank stares, the wandering exits, the whisper-shouting — and now Biden's own words are about to confirm the whole thing.
Biden's spokesperson TJ Ducklo tried to wave it all away, claiming "the DoJ themselves have said these tapes serve no public interest." No public interest. Seventy hours of a sitting president rambling about classified documents to a ghostwriter, and the public has no interest. Sure, TJ. And the Titanic had no interest in icebergs.
This isn't Biden's first literary rodeo, either. His 2017 memoir "Promise Me, Dad" was the kind of book you find in the clearance bin at airport bookstores by February. But at least back then he could presumably remember what he'd written. This time around, we're dealing with a man whose own administration had to stage-manage his every public appearance like a live-action Weekend at Bernie's.
And it gets better. Dr. Jill Biden is also releasing a memoir — "View from the East Wing" — set for May 2026. So we're getting a his-and-hers set. The man who couldn't remember where he left classified documents and the woman who kept pushing him out on stage anyway. It's a love story, really. A love story about power.
Here's the thing the Democrats don't want to face: these recordings aren't opposition research. They're not leaked texts or anonymous sources. They're Biden, in his own voice, in his own words, recorded for the explicit purpose of telling his story. And if the Department of Justice succeeds in making them public, every single talking head who spent 2021 through 2024 telling you "he's fine, he's sharp, he runs circles around his staff" will have to answer for it.
They won't, of course. They never do.
But the tapes don't lie, even if the people on them do. Ten million dollars for a confession disguised as a memoir — that might be the most honest thing Joe Biden has ever done.