After six months of dodging, ducking, delaying, and defying congressional subpoenas like a pair of career criminals who forgot that Congress can actually hold people in contempt, Bill and Hillary Clinton sat down for filmed depositions about their relationship with convicted child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. The House Oversight Committee released the videos on March 2, 2026 — and the same media establishment that spent years calling all of this a “conspiracy theory” is now covering it with a completely straight face.
You love to see it.
Republicans and Democrats on the Federal Law Enforcement Subcommittee voted unanimously back in July 2025 to subpoena the Clintons. Hillary couldn’t make October. Then December — she had a funeral. January 14th? No-show. Bill blew off January 13th. Both of them were heading straight for a contempt of Congress vote, which passed with nine Democrats joining Republicans on the bill against Bill and three Democrats crossing over on Hillary’s contempt charge — when, miracle of miracles, the Clintons “completely caved” and agreed to show up in Chappaqua and answer questions on camera.
Nothing motivates a Clinton like the prospect of actual consequences.
The depositions ran about four and a half hours apiece. Bill’s opening statement was a masterpiece of the genre. He explained that he only used Epstein’s private jet because of a gentlemen’s agreement — Epstein would lend him the plane for Clinton Foundation AIDS work in exchange for Bill spending an hour chatting with him about economics and politics.
An hour of Bill’s sparkling conversation. In exchange for rides on a convicted pedophile’s jet. Totally normal philanthropic arrangement between two guys who definitely never did anything weird together. (And yes, this is the same plane the media told us for years you were a lunatic for asking about.)
Bill said he was introduced to Epstein by Larry Summers, his former Treasury Secretary, who apparently described Epstein as “information-hungry” and eager to talk shop. Asked about the flights, Clinton said he took four or five. His spokesperson had previously confirmed four. The committee’s records show Epstein visited the Clinton White House **17 times** between 1993 and 1995. Seventeen. Bill recalled none of those visits with any particular clarity.
“I never saw anything that I knew was illegal,” Clinton testified. When asked whether anyone on the flights was under 18, he replied, “To the best of my knowledge there was not. If there was and I knew it, I would be uncomfortable.”
Uncomfortable! Well, that settles it.
Hillary’s deposition was its own special event. She opened by declaring that she had “no idea” about any criminal activities, never flew on Epstein’s plane, never visited the island, and barely knew the man existed. She said — and we are not paraphrasing — “I don’t know how many times I had to say I didn’t know Jeffrey Epstein.”
She had a harder time keeping her composure when Rep. Lauren Boebert shared a photo of her mid-deposition in violation of committee rules. Hillary announced she was “done” and that Congress could “hold me in contempt from now until the cows come home.” The committee was unmoved. The deposition continued. Tough crowd, Madam Secretary.
Then things went completely off the rails. Questions turned to UFOs and Pizzagate — and Hillary, who had spent nine hours testifying calmly about her husband’s friendship with a man who ran an international child sex trafficking network, suddenly lost whatever was left of her composure. “I can’t believe you’re even referencing it,” she fumed, calling Pizzagate “one of the most vile, bogus conspiracy theories.” She seemed genuinely more rattled by a question about a pizza restaurant than by nine hours of questions about Jeffrey Epstein.
Draw your own conclusions.
Rep. Nancy Mace asked Hillary whether she had “any feelings about young women massaging your husband.” Hillary replied that she didn’t find the question relevant to the investigation. Chairman Comer called Bill “charming” and noted he has “Southern people skills.” High praise from the man who just dragged him into Chappaqua on a contempt subpoena. (The bar for Southern hospitality has apparently been revised.)
The administration has reviewed around 6 million documents related to this investigation and released about 3.5 million of them. We’re sure the other 2.5 million are perfectly boring.
Here’s the thing. For years, if you brought up Epstein and the Clintons, you were a tinfoil hat maniac. A QAnon freak. CNN would cut to commercial. Now CNN is covering the deposition videos, straight-faced, like they always thought this story deserved a look. They didn’t. They called you crazy. They were wrong, you were right, and Bill Clinton just spent four and a half hours in a chair in Chappaqua proving it.
We’ll accept our apologies in writing.
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